Jimmy Carter Loses Yalmaka while J walking On Ben Yehuda

Jerusalem, Israel [TMN] While walking through the streets of Ben Yehuda to meet another Rabbi, Al-Qaeda's former ambassador to the United States Jimmy Carter was crossing a busy street when things got ugly and his yalmaka flew into on coming traffic. Secret service Agent Mike Traitor, Told TMN News "At that point we knew there was a problem, And scrambled our team to successfully rescue the the skull cap." Carter on the other hand wasn't so lucky, And got some criticism from a passerby.

Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, spiritual leader of the Israel party, And one of Israel’s most influential rabbis, Met this morning with Jimmy Carter. The rabbi asked the former "Hamas leader" if he was OK from the earlier incident, And if he could call his friends in Egypt and ask them to free Gilad Shalit from his captivity.

"You and other Hamas leaders need to make an effort at this stage and do everything to Get me my solder Gilad Shali!," The rabbi told Carter. "You can influence this." Carter responded by telling Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, "I am not A hamas leader, I don't even eat that stuff, its nasty," Witch Rabbi Yosef responded "Not True, I know who you are! I'm Not Stupid!"

Carter arrived along with some Nobel Peace Prize Winner from a unknown place in Africa, and the former president of Iran, Mary Robinson, who recently received A Letter from US President Barack Obama.

The rabbi stressed his commitment to peace and condemned schools located in various Arab countries such As, "The two worst Arab Country's Gaza and the West Bank", According to Rabbi Yosef.

Carter told Rabbi Yosef that following his meeting with him, He would check into that bank to see if he could maybe open a account there. He then asked Rabbi Yosef about "what did you say about your shoulder earlier in our conversation?" And "Maybe you should get a chiropractor" Then asking the rabbi where the exit was, Because he was bored of talking about food and was getting hungry.

Carter was last seen in the West Bank trying to open a account with a fake name according to president Hillery Clinton who refused to comment unless she could tour Gaza and "maybe take a few kids back the white house with me like Madonna did."

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Barnie Maid Off With The Cash, found selling JetBlue All You can Cruise Pass To unsuspecting Yungerlight

Boro Park, Brooklyn [TMN] YungerLight all around the New York City area, And surrounding Mikvas were getting excited about Jet Blues New -All You Can Cruise Pass- being sold by world renowned swindler Barnie Maidoff.

According to Barnie "the deal was a once in a life time opportunity and should Not be given up unless you have a better idea". Barnie the swindler was also heard telling eager listeners out side Yoels bakery on 13th avenue "With This Deal You Take Your Family On A Kosher Cruise To The Country Next Summer!".

Yankel Brewer Told TMN "I refuse To Give This Opportunity Up!" when asked if he was going to buy the pass.

The Pass is expected to sell until the FBI catches on to the scheme in a few years, But until then will remain on the market.

Jet Blue Quote "we do not have such a deal, so stop waisting our time" when TMN News Try ed to contact them.

*Further Investigation by TMN News found out this was just a scam, And possibly just to make money.

Frum Teens Seen on Shobbis Blasting Mordecai Ben Bavid' song, Just One Shobbis! In Crown Heights.

Crown Heights, Brooklyn [TMN] Last Shobbis afternoon, While children went to shobbis party's and mothers pushed there baby's in strollers no where, A Crown Heights Shomrim Dispatcher received a unusual call. The caller a Crown Heights Resident with a Expired Bal Tashuva Visa From Indiana, stated to the dispatcher who was trying to beat a game of chess with his 95 year old grand mother at the time and told the caller to hold on while he went to get more chulent from the kitchen, When he came back to the phone he notified the caller he was out of chulent and asked the caller what her emergency was.

In response the caller told the dispacher "I cant believe that I had to walk all the way to 770 Eastern Parkway Lubavitcher world head quarters, Just to barrow a quarter from a homeless lady who was sleeping and trying to keep shobbis for a few minutes, In a ally near the location". This was Just to report that she was walking down Kingston avenue, When she heard a group of drunk Co ed local rebelus teens driving a car down the street blasting the song Just One Shobbis by world renowned vocalist Mordecai Ben David.

When TMN News Asked Mordecai Ben David what he thought about about the incedent he responded "I dont Know What Your Talking About, I Do Keep Shobbis!"

"It was a remarkable site" said one witness to the what she thinks was possibly a stolen "Mitzva Tank Stolen From Iraq" but couldn't be sure because she "had a little to much lechiams and couldn't remember what state the driver was from". Police are investigating this as a possible stolen vehicle, With a out of state driver, And are not ruling out the possibile charges of playing a Mordecai Ben David CD on Saturday, Witch according to a close friend of one of the rabbis in the community.

71 Precents Sargent Mike Simon, Who couldn't remember the Rabbis name, Told TMN News in a Exclusive interview "it clearly states on the CD cover that you cant play the CD on Saturday I was told". And then went on to talk about how he went to Dokun Donuts one day and they were closed, Almost resulting in him quiting his job.

As TMN News contued the investigation, TMN News went on to find the dispatcher on call that day. When our TMN News Reporter Called Up the shomrim hot line, And asked for Menachem Mendel, The name we got from the shomrim report. They responded by asking our reporter witch one are you talking about? And went on to tell us about the new superman capes there getting for all there "Hero patrol units"

The NY PD and Shomrim of Crown Heights are still looking for clues in this case, And are asking for your help. By asking all the members of the community for there support. And as a result of our exclusive interview with the 71 precent Sargent. The 71 Precent has issued a mandatory petition to move all Dokin Donuts into the 71 percent station house. "This is in a effort to save money on gas" Police capten of the 71 told TMN News.

And shomrim will be selling raffle tickets to fund there new perches of custom made Shomrim super man capes Shomrim spokes person for the hearing and inpeard told us he couldn't hear us when we asked him what was the idea behind the superman capes, But told us "I saw them when he was a kid and they were awesome!".

Our calls to to the Shomrim spokesman for the not hearing inpeard were not returned. But in a exclusive eye witness report by a MinYan Amature News Reporter with No prier education witch he blamed on lack of money from our stupid president Hillery Clinton! (Witch after much investigation by TMN News Team we found out he went to some yeshiva in Brooklyn) The Amature Reporter told TMN News he "saw the shomrim dispatcher with the lady that called shomrim from 770 on shobbis and that there happily married with 16 children and live on president street where Hillery Clinton was born"

*After further investigation of this report, TMN News found out this report is not true and has sent apology letter to the Shomrim dispatcher Mencham Mendel and in response got a free Shomrim Cape, Now For Sale on EBay.

First Frum Homosexual Kosher Wedding, [A Excluseve TMN News Report]

Brooklyn, NY [TMN] As Residents of the tight nit Boro Park community got ready for the first ever Gay Chisidish Chasana in the Frum World, Rabbi Yoel Klien Chief Rabbe "A Self Proclaimed Gay Chassid" as he calls it, Prepared the Kasuba in the up most appropriate way to fit with Jews laws of homosexuality and marriage.

Now Local community activist, Menachem Viesner who introduced the couple in a Small kitchen setting, In his two bedroom apartment that he lives in with his wife Leah and 15 children, Two of witch are missing as TMN News will report in a future article. "They met for the first time in private, It was two weeks ago" Mencahem recalls "it was after a long Shobbis meal at my summer bungalow in the Country" Rabbi Mencahem Viesner added.

(Menachem also made sure to Inform TMN News, That he gets a little "what they called A.D.D. When I was in yeshiva, I think they Invented a new thing called ADHD now but I haven't caught that disease yet Baruch Hashem. It kind of reminds me when I gave Mendel This New STD called Swine Flu on Mitzva Nach, Oy the Diseases they Invent These days. We Need Moshiach now")

Menachem Continued the exclusive Interview with our TMN News Reporter on scene (while pausing to ask the Chosins father if he knew what the score was for the "Yankel Game" then continuing.) "After seeing the the two Bochrim both deep in conversation, and a glow on both of their faces at the shobbis table after a few Lechiams, Some Times When I'm going to the Mikva I" (Our TMN News Reporter Had to step in and remind Menachem he was in middle of a Interview when Menachem started walking away asking some one if they knew where the closets Mikva was). "O ya I forgot, So as I was saying I knew Yossel and Mendel were made for each other from the start! " Mencahem Viesner told TMN News Reporter Shlomo Lisker.

At 5:00 pm the Kabalos Panom was a half hour late due to both sides of the Chosons family meeting each other for the first time (A source told TMN). And at 6:00 pm the Choson and Chuson made there way down the aisle for the first ever Gay Chasana in the Frum World. "A sight to be seen" one of the guests told TMN News who claimed he was "Not a Fagel" but had nothing against it.

Our TMN Photographers out side of the wedding hall on 18th avenue in Boro Park, "At a Secret Location" as it said on the wedding invitations posted with the address on it around the Boro park and Willumsburg area), Got some exclusive photos from the press banned wedding, And even got a small quote from one of the head Rabbis at the wedding who said he flew all the way in from Monsey. The Rabbi, Rabbi Sphincter who is world renowned for making intelligent statements (according to his web site. A site he claims he created while collecting Tzadaka at the library) Told TMN News Reporter Shimon Singer "Homosexual's are Gay" after asking the guy sitting next to him where the kalah was.

This was an amazing step in the Frum community, and on behalf of all the staff of TMN News we would like to wish a Mazel Tov to the newly married couple Yossel And Mendel who responded by telling TMN News they just found this new thing on the Internet called Craigslist where they will hopefully find a Chassidish family with to many kids to Handel, and maybe adopt a kid or two from them.

TMN News corespondent Shandy From Shandy.com called To inform our chief Editor and CEO Yossel Burnboum from our Flat Bush office, about a post she found on craigslist (while looking for some nice Chasidish family to give her "Vilda Chaya Mendel Tzvi" up for adoption because she "ran out of room in her house to store any more Kindalach").

She forwarded the Craig's list post link to TMN labeled:

-Looking Get Rid of some of your Kinderlach before the Tomim Toivim to save money on the unnecessary extra Yomim Toivim bills so you can take your family on a Shomer Shobbis Cruise to your bungalow in the country next summer?-

When TMN News opened the Post it Read:

Nice Frum Gay Chasidish Warm Loving English/Yiddish/Hebrew speaking Couple Looking for toilet trained open minded preferably upshirn age for adopting must be willing to ship directly to boro park on 13th ave with food stamps and a Bris certificate you can call us on our cell phone after shobbis.-




On Behalf of TMN News We wish the New couple much of luck in finding there new kinderlach on line with lots of nachos.

*The MINYAN News Source Does Not In Any Way Support or Assist In the Trafficking Of Young Children Under any circumstances unless you get a heter from your local Rabbi.

Welcome to The MINYAN News Source!

The MINYAN News Source is an Frum "fake news" organization. It features satirical articles reporting on international, national, and local news as well as entertainment news in the Frum World. It claims a daily viewing of 690,000 and says 61 percent of its web site readers are between Bar Mitzvah and 44.5 years old with the exception of some older Rebbe's.

The Minyan's articles comment on current events, both real and imagined. It parodies traditional newspaper features, such as editorials, man-on-the-street interviews, and stock quotes, as well as traditional newspaper layout and AP-style editorial voice. Much of its humor depends on presenting everyday events as newsworthy items, and by playing on commonly used phrases, as in the headline "Frumies caught on shobbis blasting world renowned vocalist Mordecai Ben Bavid' song, Just One Shobbis "